May 13 -
The Carefree Gourmet
Aunt Aggie
by Joyce McCombs
Our guest columnist this week is Aunt Aggie, long time area
resident and genuine smart person who kindly offered to help
answer some of the more interesting letters from the CG mail bag
this week.
Aggie lives somewhere in the vicinity of Shaw Creek and the Ag
project, and Fort Greely and Clearwater. She motors about in a
late model four-wheel drive pickup and lists her hobbies as
competitive gardening and power lifting. She’s a past president of
the Greater Area Female Gun Lovers and Embroidery Club and may or
may not have been a contestant in a national beauty pageant.
Her husband, Uncle Buf, a renowned hunter gatherer, owns a wicked
fast aluminum boat and is the proud inventor of the world’s best
brine recipe for smoked salmon, not that he’s going to share it
with you. Aggie and Buf have some kids, a few dogs, various
livestock and very clear ideas about What is Right, which they are
happy to share with anyone who cares to listen or needs to be
told.
Dear Aunt Aggie,
I am not an early riser, but I am certainly not lazy either! It
just takes me a couple of hours to get organized and to put on
enough cosmetics so I don’t scare small children and elderly nuns.
Here’s my problem. My very sweet neighbor likes to drop in now and
then for morning coffee, often just after dawn. I am afraid
sometimes she thinks I am being Rude and Sullen, when really I am
just Sleepy and Foggy. I like her so much, and I do want her to
visit, just not before the chickens are up, if you get my meaning.
Can you help?
--Dazed in Delta
Dear Dazed,
Nothing scorches my scallions more than a tricky situation like
this! Even if you arrive bearing warm cinnamon rolls, some people
just can’t relax and swap gossip while wearing a bathrobe. The
solution is simple. You just need a signal that you both agree
means “Ok to visit”. In my neck of the woods, if the front room
shades are closed, it means nobody is up yet. Or you could try
setting a definite time and date and see how that goes. Either
way, it’s worth it to stay on good terms with this neighbor lady,
she sounds like a peach to me! - A. A.
Dear Aunt Aggie,
I’m so confused! I go to college up in the Big City and I often
come home for weekend visits to hang out with my pals and so we
can run around doing Alaskan Things. Mom always taught me to send
a thank you note if someone had me over for a meal but does this
include things like impromptu hot dog roasts on the riverbank?
What about being asked to join in a taffy pull after I’ve helped
clear some brush off the back forty? And does helping grind and
pack moose burger count as an activity or as dinner, especially if
we have a sample afterwards? You know how things are in Delta –
everyone is so friendly and wants to feed starving college types
like myself. I don’t want folks to think I am Impolite, nor do I
want them to think I am Overly Polite and kind of Nerdy. Please
advise soonest!
--Unsure @ UAF
Dear Unsure,
Why you sweet thing! Your old Auntie’s heart is melting faster
than the ice pack on Quartz Lake reading your note and I can tell
already you are not Nerdy in the least. First of all, your Mom was
right and gets a gold star from me for teaching you about thank
you notes, which are always correct and unfortunately becoming
rather scarce. As for being Overly Polite, I don’t think it’s
possible, especially these days when even a plain old “Please” and
“Thank you” aren’t heard often enough. Go buy a bunch of amusing
postcards (souvenir places are great for this) and stock up on 29
cent stamps and dash off a couple of lines of genuine thanks and
drop it in the mail. It’ll take less than five minutes, you’ll
feel good about it and the folks that find a hand written note in
their mailbox will marvel for a week at your thoughtfulness.
Wouldn’t you feel swell if you got an unexpected card in your
mailbox at the dorm? You’re smiling already, aren’t you?
– A. A.
Dear Aunt Aggie,
Help! I have been invited to a genuine Dinner Party, involving
linen napkins, fine china and something called sterling silver. I
am terrified of using the wrong fork or of spilling something on
another guest. I am sure I won’t any Clever Conversation to share,
as I am just an Ordinary Person. What if there is a challenging
food to eat, like corn on the cob, fried chicken or olives with
pits? If there are finger bowls, I just know I will have an attack
of The Vapors and have to be removed from the table, as I haven’t
the faintest idea what to do with them! Should I bring a hostess
gift? How long should I stay and how will I know when it is time
to leave?
--Nervous on Nistler Road
Dear Nervous,
Before you get your croissants in a crumble, honey, you need to
calm down! Dinner Parties are lovely, not terrifying events.
Hostesses who actually own linen napkins, fine china and sterling
silver are very good at putting guests At Ease, or no one would
attend their Dinner Parties! Just relax, take a deep breath and
read on.
Using the wrong fork is the least of your worries, since I’m
betting there will only be two at your place setting - the smaller
salad fork and the larger dinner fork, just like in your finer
restaurants, where I’m sure you’ve been before. If you spy a wee
fork and spoon directly north of your dinner plate, leave them
there for the time being as they are for dessert, which is
undoubtedly going to be very nice. As for Clever Conversation, you
can’t go wrong with books, movies, music and the weather. Politics
and religion can be a bit dicey, unless you know for sure everyone
is on the same page, and even then you can have some pretty
animated discussions about what goes on in Juneau or behind the
scenes at the Christmas Pageant.
Challenging foods are no problem, since your hostess only serves
corn on the cob or fried chicken on informal occasions that call
for paper napkins, and she only serves pitted olives. These days,
finger bowls are more likely to be found filled with potpourri and
scattered about the room than actually seen on the dining table. A
hostess gift is always lovely, especially if it’s a loaf of your
yummy homemade bread, a jar of your best jam or a box of good
chocolates. You will know exactly how long to stay and when to
leave because either the host or hostess will say it’s been a
lovely evening and thank you so much for coming to dinner and
offer to fetch coats and wraps from the back bedroom. Take the
gentle hint, thank them for the lovely time, and trot on home, and
be proud you did not make A Spectacle of yourself. – A. A.
Dear Aunt Aggie,
Excuse me, please, for bothering you, but I have been noticing
that other Boys besides me seem worried about assisting Girls
anymore and wondered if you had an opinion on this? I realize that
Today’s Girls can open their own doors, manage mutual funds, and
change bungee cords on the pickup without the help of a Boy and I
admire them greatly for this. However, helping someone with these
small tasks doesn’t mean I have an Ulterior Motive! It just means
I was taught to be Polite, Kind and Thoughtful to folks around me,
and I thought this included Girls, though some of them think I am
kind of Dumb for being this way. The last Girl I held a door for
gave me such a Nasty Look that it made me feel like a Shameless
Cad and it’s making me rethink this whole Good Manners Thing. Is
it just old-fashioned nonsense? Am I out of step with the times?
Should I cease and desist?
Thank you so very much.
--Baffled in Big D
Dear Baffled,
Merciful heavens! Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING mashes my spuds
more than Bad Manners. If you think for one minute that Good
Manners are out of fashion, let me enlighten you. Manners will
never go out of style, neither will the good feelings that result
from their frequent use. Opening a door for anyone, be they lovely
Girl, charming Boy or rapidly aging Auntie, is simple human
kindness. Ditto offering a simple “Thank you” for the gesture.
Being given a Nasty Look by a young woman who forgot her manners
toward you is not your fault, it is her fault, and with any luck
she will realize the error of her ways and apologize to you very
soon.
Perhaps a short example from Auntie’s exciting social past will
illustrate the impact that Good Manners can have on Polite
Society. Once, when shopping in a Very Swanky Department Store in
the Lower 48, I entered an elevator to ascend to the tearoom on
the sixth floor to meet a friend for lunch. A certain gentleman
was already in said elevator, noticed my arms were full of
purchases and asked in a very pleasant manner “Floor?” and
proceeded to punch the correct button for me. He then, and I am
not making this up, TOOK OF HIS HAT. He held it calmly at his side
while we silently rode upwards. We arrived at the fifth floor, he
departed the elevator, and after donning his hat and in the most
elegant way you can imagine, lifted his finger to the brim in a
small salutation to me. The door closed, I was alone on my ride to
the tearoom, and I can you I was glowing inside and out for the
rest of the day. I felt cherished and respected and delighted that
a perfect stranger, a genuine gentleman had removed his hat in the
presence of a lady out of simple politeness. I wanted to phone his
mother at once to thank her. I wanted to contact his wife to tell
her how fortunate she was. I wanted to bequeath all my worldly
goods to his favorite charities, and I wanted to send his children
to Ivy League schools, I was just that impressed.
So you can see that, yes, Good Manners are still important. In
fact, Manners are vital if we are to have any kind of society
continue on in this old world, and I am not the only Aunt who
thinks so. I say offer to help whenever possible, and don’t be
pushy about it, just sincere. Chances are the Girl of your dreams
is already reading this and desperate to know there is such a
charming and available young fellow so close at hand. I’d clear my
social calendar if I were you.
– A. A.
Dear Aunt Aggie,
Now and then I write a little column on cooking related topics for
my local paper but this week I was kind of busy and couldn’t come
up with anything to say. Do you think my readers will mind if I
stray from the usual path and do something a little different this
week? I don’t want to make them worry that I’ve lost my touch, but
then again, a girl can only look at so many magazines and
cookbooks before she starts seeing recipes in her sleep. Also, do
you have any idea how to make that artichoke dip that I can’t seem
to get enough of at Janine Todd’s house? I wish it wasn’t so
tasty, but then again, if it wasn’t, why do we all dive headfirst
into the bowl each time? If I don’t share at least one recipe,
people tend to get cranky by the time they read this far.
By the way, I love your writing and I think you’re Just Darling.
Thanks awfully much,
Carefree in Clearwater
Dear Carefree,
Nothing crisps my bacon like a juicy compliment! I’m blushing as I
read your sweet letter and can only assume you’re a woman with
Impeccable Taste in Literature. I’m sure your readers won’t mind a
bit of variety, as it’s not only the Spice of Life, but the very
thing that keeps Auntie amused on those long dark winter nights.
After all, I can’t expect Uncle Buf to play Scrabble with me every
minute, and playing Poker over the Internet can get boring in a
big hurry! Here’s the recipe, and be sure to say hello to that
Janine for me – she just never calls.
-A.A.
Hot Artichoke Dip 1 can artichoke hearts (not marinated, just plain)
1 1/2 cups Mayonnaise
A squeeze of fresh lemon juice
3 minced garlic cloves
1 cup Parmesan cheese
Mash the artichoke hearts first in the food processor or quarter
them and use a fork if you want a coarser texture. Then add
everything else and mix well. Spread in a buttered casserole dish
and bake at 375 until top is golden and the whole works bubbles
and smells divine. Spread on crackers or melba toast.
Dear Aunt A,
Thanks for the recipe! You’ve saved the day! From what I
understand, it’s not the first time either! I’ve heard for years
you can stack stove wood faster than people half your age, and
that your high bush cranberry elixir is good for whatever Ails
One, as long as One has a Strong Stomach to begin with! The only
thing that is worrying me now is my tendency to use too many
exclamation points when I write letters! I don’t know what to do!
Carefree, again!
Dear C,
Just simmer down or I’ll start calling you Hysteria after my
oldest daughter. That girl can whip more than an egg into a
frenzy, let me tell you. It was my pleasure to help you out this
week. You take care now and wave next time you drive by the place
– that’s me looking out the window making sure the world is
behaving itself.
