It is with a solemn heart that I must report some troubling news. I have been abandoned! My wife left me! She took our son, walked out the door, got on an airplane and went home to Mommy.
She warned me that this was coming, but I didn’t think she’d have the gall to go through with it, because it’s been years since she was away from me longer than a day and a half. It wasn’t until she actually started packing, that it became evident that she wasn’t joking. As that realization sunk in, a surge of emotions overwhelmed me.
Dropping my veneer of machismo I plunged into the most persuasive speech of my life. I begged. I cajoled. I flirted. I blustered. I blubbered. I vowed everything from a foot massage, to a candlelit champagne dinner for two at A Belle Époque near the Champs-Elysées. I even took off my shirt and did my Arnold Schwarzenegger pose for her. Alas, cruel womanhood! She spurned me like a stale Dorito. Callously she turned away, her chin set—her eyes cold—her arms crossed.
To read the rest of the story we invite you to browse through our Chinook pages.